Coming from a big city of Moscow, which is full of anxiety and ambition, being in Antalya and in Vancouver I notice that I move and speak faster than people around. Sometimes people can tell me: «Just relax», or «There is nothing urgent», «Sakin ol», «Acele yok». I am wondering: why, since life is so short?
Working in a big corporation if you ask your boss: what time we need my task fulfilled, you usually have an answer: «Yesterday! Hurry up then! ». A sarcastic answer. It is common. It seems it stayed in my blood through all the years: «Yesterday». All you need, you should have done yesterday. Kind of «all your life should be lived yesterday. Hurry up». And you don’t know how to hell out all that f*cking things.
Doctor said: practice feel-it. I have too little to feel, so I don’t know how it feels. I am trying. It is so long – to be with yourself for an hour. An hour! Now I feel like a baby doing his first steps. I am absolutely not successful in it yet. And I like it. I am in the beggining of my way. Trying to feel this world again.